My wrong be upon you.
"And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes. And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee. But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face." Gen 16:4-6
Part of writing a Blog on the Bible is to help people understand un-clear passages, it is not promoting my opinions. This statement by Sarah to Abraham, "my wrong be upon you," is generally mis-understood, so in this Blog, I will try to throw some light on what that statement means, and set out a few applications from the subsequent events.
The entire situation is a very messed up situation indeed!, but living among polygamous people, this event, and the subsequent turmoil, makes perfect sense to me; but since we Westerners are not polygamous, most people miss what is going on here.
We know the story, and everyone in Abraham's group knew exactly what had happened; in societies like that, living in tents, in close proximity to each other, nothing is secret. They knew what God had promised to Abraham in Gen 15, and they all knew about Sarah's idea to help things along.
So Abraham sleeps with Hagar, and she soon realizes she is pregnant, and then a little later, everyone else sees she is pregnant, and so it is all now really in the open. At that point Hagar gets uppity, because she can have children, while Sarah cannot, and she figures she will supplant Sarah as the favorite wife, she will become the "first" wife, Abraham's favorite, and she pushes this agenda because she is carrying precious cargo, she figures she has become "un-touchable," she can do what she wants, and get away with it, and so she starts mocking and disrespecting Sarah.
Everyone sees and hears what Hagar is doing and saying, it is all happening out in the open, in the public area of the encampment, and the question going around among Abraham's servants is, "What will Abraham do? Hagar is not even a true wife, at best she is a concubine, yet she is treating Sarah so badly. Sarah is the first wife. What will Abraham do?"
If nothing else, Sarah had the legal position of first wife; other wives were under her - period!
Now, lest any one think I am validating polygamy in any way, shape, or form, I AM NOT. IT IS SIN. As I tell the Angave, "God made one wife for Adam, that is it. Any more is sin." I am simply bringing out things that we have seen happen over and over again among the Angave, during our 27 plus years of living among them.
So first, when Sarah says to Abraham, "My wrong be upon you," she is not saying it is Abraham's fault that Hagar started to mock her, and she is not saying Abraham was encouraging Hagar to continue to mock Sarah, and she is not saying Abraham is the cause of the whole mess, for everyone knew it was Sarah's idea, that she virtually pushed Abraham into doing it. What she is saying is that it is Abraham's job to stop it, to protect her honor as the first wife, and put Hagar in her place; and Sarah was right to demand that of Abraham.
But Abraham does not do that, he does nothing. In verse 6 we read: "But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee." That was the wrong answer, he side-stepped the issue, he put it back on Sarah, he let her be the "bad guy." He should have stepped up to the plate, and told Hagar to stop.
Here is what John Gill says, and he correctly understands what is doing on: "my wrong be upon thee": in her passion imprecating evil on him, as a just punishment upon him for suffering wrong to be done her by her maid; or, "is upon thee" (i); pointing at his duty, and suggesting to him what he ought to do; that it was incumbent on him as her husband to right her wrongs [wrongs being done to her], and do her justice, and vindicate her from the calumnies and reproaches of her servant;
Second, though the Lord is merciful to Hagar, sending her back, rather than letting her die in the wilderness, she does not learn the lesson she was supposed to learn. The angel specifically told her: "And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands." Gen 16:9
Hagar was not really a second wife, she was more properly a concubine, and Ishmael, while called a son, was only a 1/2 son, so as much as I feel for Hagar, when she went back, but did not really obey what the angel told her; she submitted in her actions, but in her heart she did not stop having a bad attitude, a disrespecting attitude toward Sarah. And more so, she instilled a mocking attitude toward both Sarah and then Isaac, in Ishmael, for in chapter 21 we read:
"And the child grew (Isaac), and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned. And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had borne unto Abraham, mocking. Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac. And the thing was very grievous in Abraham’s sight on account of his son. And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah saith unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called. And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed." Gen 21:8-13
In our day, it would be like the owner of a business throwing a party for his son, who is the heir to run the company, and during the party, a worker making fun of the son. Mom sees and hears the worker mocking her son, and tells dad, the owner, fire that guy, he will only make trouble for our son.
What Ishmael was doing was open, in Abraham's face disrespect and rebellion! Again, Sarah is 100% right in her assessment of the situation, and in her advice.
Hagar had not obeyed the angel, and submitted to Sarah, but had rather taught her son, to disrespect them all. This had been going on for years! Ishmael was around 16-17 years old.
Abraham was 86 when Ishmael was born (Gen 16:16)
He was 100 when Isaac what born (Gen 21:5)
And figure he nursed for 2-3 years, that would make Ishmael 16-17 years old when the feast happened. For all of those years, Hagar had gone along disobeying what the angel told her, and sowing rebellion in her son.
Application: Here we see how the 5th Commandment to "Honor father and mother," as with all of the other Commandments, is broader than just those bare words, it extends to all who are in authority over us. One very easily understood situation is if you don't like your boss, if it rubs you to submit to him/her; that is fine, you don't have to like them. The wrong part is to stay and take their money, your pay check, but talk behind their back to others: fellow employees, customers, vendors, etc. Leaving is fine, but if you are going to take their money, don't undermine them, submit, and do the best job you can!
Third, Sarah sees Ishmael mocking Isaac and knows this will only continue. She is not blind, she knows Hagar still had a bad attitude toward her, and that she has imparted that bad attitude toward her son Ishmael, and that as long as Ishmael is around, Abraham will be of two minds as to which son to favor, and maybe she is thinking of what Cain did to Able, so she tells him to finally deal with the problem and send them both away; and the Lord tells Abraham to do what Sarah said!
Application: Abraham as the husband and father, was the head of the family, and of his entire group, and was the one whose job it was to deal with these inter-family problems, but he hadn't. Just like David, who did nothing when Amnon raped Tamar, who was Absalom's sister, which only lead to Absalom losing respect for David for not dealing with the rape of his sister, and becoming David's enemy. Absalom was right to be mad, David had failed to deal with the wrong that was done, and when Absalom gets to Jerusalem, he rapes David's wives, a graphic, but clear statement to David. (2Sa 12:21-22) Dads we are the heads of our families, we are the God appointed leaders, and so we must lead. Sin is a seed which produces a plant, which yields fruit, and propagates, taking on a life of its own; when you an issue springing up in your family, deal with it: cut it off at the root, quickly.
Fourth, from Abraham we see the truth, that the best of men are men at best. In Gen 15 his faith, in the specific promise of a male heir, is counted to him as righteousness, yet, he could not wait, or maybe was just too weak to tell Sarah, "No, your idea is wrong. God promised, he will bring it about by the correct means," and so he sins, and look at all the turmoil that came from that one act! And I say "one act," because it does not seem he slept with Hagar again, as she had no more children.
Application: sometimes one sin is enough to cause a whole lot of problems.
Fifth, from Sarah, we also see that the best of women are women at best! She was the one who came up with the sinful way of solving her childlessness, but she also was the one who spoke correctly about getting ride of Hagar and Ishmael. People are not always wrong, or always right; sometimes we are right, and sometimes we are wrong.
Application: We need to be guided by the Bible, to ensure we use God's wisdom in our living.
Sarah wanted God's promise to come to fruition, but she tried to solve her childlessness, and bring about God's promise of a male heir for Abraham, by a wrong and sinful method. We cannot bring about God's plan by sinning! She believed the promise of chap 15, but she could not trust God to bring it about, she felt he needed her help. How many times we fall into this same trap.
May the Lord help us to learn from these events, very real, very human events, involving people just like us.
1 May 2026