Marriage Vows
Marriage Vows
From a Forbes article: https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/
How Many Marriages End in Divorce?
So, what about the famous statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce? That’s a bit of an exaggeration when it comes to first marriages, only 43% of which are dissolved.2 Second and third marriages actually fail at a far higher rate, though, with 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages ending in divorce.3
HOW BAD IS THAT!?
The traditional Christian concept of marriage, God ordained marriage is:
One man, with one woman, for a lifetime.
And while there are different understandings as to whether unfaithfulness on the part of one of the partners constitutes a legitimate ground for divorce, yet all understand that God does not want marriage to end in divorce:
"And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously." Mal 2:15-16
Marriage is a contract, made between a man and a woman, in the sight of God, before witnesses, with promises given and received, for a stated duration of time.
It is a verbal contract; it is legally binding.
That is why people must sue for divorce; they are suing the other person for breach of contract; no different than with any other contract you make.
Why am I writing on this? The more I think about it, the more I see that the simple, traditional wedding vows are the best vows that can be used, and I would go as far as to say, that if one of the pair does not want to use them, it would give me grave concern! Other things can be added to what the couple say to each other, but the vows, the contract making part, should incorporate this language.
As I write this Cheryl and I have been married for 47 years; I am no novice at marriage. I am not writing as one with starry eyed expectations, ignorant of what I write; I write as a veteran.
Marriage is the God created and God ordained fundamental building block of human society: husband and wife joined, producing children, who leave mom and dad, and repeat the process.
It was designed by God; Gen 2.
It reflects God's inter-Trinitarian relationship within himself; "let us make Mankind after our image." Gen 1
And just as God is 3-in-1; we 2 are to be 1.
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Gen 2:24
Such that Jesus said: "And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Mat 19:4-6
It is simple, and it works.
So what are the terms of the contract? If you Google "Traditional Wedding Vows," you will find various lists, but combining them, you will come up with the following:
1) I take thee to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife.
2) To have and to hold
3) From this day forward
4) Forsaking all others
5) Keeping myself only for you
6) For better or worse
7) In sickness and in health
8) For richer or poorer
9) To love and cherish
10) According to God's holy law
11) Til death do we part
12) In the presence of God and these witnesses, I make this vow.
13) And as a pledge, I give you this ring.
The woman promises to obey; the husband to protect.
It is starts with the question: Who gives this woman to this man?
That is a very important question! and the answer, Her mother and I do, is also important!
It is voluntary for all parties involved. The woman's parents agreeing to give her, and by implication, to not interfere. The woman is voluntary going. The man is voluntarily assuming his role.
Voluntary is important, as it strengthen the wrongness of breaking the contract: Nobody forced you to get married. You voluntarily agreed and entered into contract with your spouse.
And is establishes the couple not as a pair, but a new entity, a new unit. The woman's father publicly voluntarily relinquishes his and his wife's role regarding their daughter, and states that she is now joined to her husband. This should end all in-law interference and wives running back to mom and dad. We are obviously NOT talking about abusive and dangerous situations!
But why? We do not need marriage to produce kids.
And why a contract? We can just live together.
And why obey and protect? We can just do what we like within the arrangement.
Why did God ordain marriage as the frame work within to produce children? It gives the stability needed for society. Look at the statistics regarding fatherless homes, they are many, and all bad.
Why a contract? Again stability, and loyalty. God is the most loyal Being in the universe, and we are to mirror him.
And why obey and protect? They are the assigned roles established by God. It has nothing to do with intrinsic worth, or intelligence. God assigned Adam the role of head and protector, and Eve the helper. Men you are to lead; ladies you are to follow. This does not preclude discussion and agreement regarding decisions that need to be made; a husband is a fool to not take advantage of his God given helper, especially when she is smarter than him, or has more common sense!
It is a contract, because we are sinners who would "jump ship," at the first sign of a storm, or when "our needs are not being met." Look at the divorce statistic again. No-fault divorce has ruined our society!
Think if business contracts could be broken in the same "no fault" way. Our economy and country would collapse!
Now let us look at the specific vows; the terms of the contract.
1) I take thee to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife.
take = voluntary, that is an essential part of contract law
lawfully = I acknowledge this is in fact a contract
2) To have and to hold
have = I am joining myself to you
hold = I am promising not to let you go; I will not leave you, and if you want to leave me, I will work to dissuade you
3) From this day forward
this day forward = starting today, unto death
4) Forsaking all others
forsaking = physically, mentally, emotionally
all others = total breaking of all other romantic relationships and dependencies
5) Keeping myself only for you
keeping myself = an act of my will
only for you = getting sexual satisfaction exclusively from you, and giving it exclusive to you
5) For better or worse
better or worse = come what may in the circumstances of life, there is no escape clause
5) In sickness and in health
sickness and health = disease, accident, dementia; no leaving
6) For richer or poorer
rich or poor = I am not marrying you for money; I want you, not what I can get from you
7) To love and cherish
love = I will act toward you in love, as a settled disposition of my being; I set my mind to love you
cherish = I will honor you, highly esteem you, value you, and only do good to you
7) According to God's holy law
God's holy law = I acknowledge that this is what God the creator wants, and that it is good and right; and I know that he will later judge/examine my performance, based on what he wants, not on society's norms or my wishes
8) Til death do we part
death = the contract remains in force until one of us dies; there is no other means of dissolution
9) In the presence of God and these witnesses, I make this vow.
witnesses = contract language
witnesses = I mean what I am saying, and all of these people can attest to my words; again contract language
10) And as a pledge, I give you this ring.
pledge = my word; my handshake; my signature; I am signing on the dotted line
ring = all can see that I am I person in a marriage contract with another; I will not remove this ring, ever
So the key points: God instituted marriage, and intends it to reflect his own inter-Trinitarian unity and loyalty and indissolubly, "come what may." God is loyal, he intends for us to my loyal; and we are making a contract with the other to do just that.
I would strongly encourage the use of these vows.
11 July 2025